If you're like me, deciding which TV shows should remain in your DVR queue is like presiding over a Roman gladiatorial match. I imagine the shows duking it out Russell Crowe-style in the Colosseum of my brain - each vying for it's life, family honor, and my viewing time.
"Modern Family" would swipe its sword at the legs of "How to Make it in America," rendering the latter immobile, then stand over it while waiting for me to signal whether or not I shall allow it to live.
"I'm sorry, 'How to Make it'," I would say, "You're a well-written show with likable characters, but will be easily accessible On Demand should I care to view more of you in the future." Then I'll give it the "thumbs down," hear the bloodthirsty crowd roar at its demise, and have a beautiful woman feed me grapes.
Other shows I feel will get the boot are "Flash Forward" - because I'm too ravaged and ruined by "Lost" in the mysterious-never-know-what's-happening-and-NEVER-GET-ANY-ANSWERS genre; and "V" - because it decided that only four episodes constituted half a season in the Fall and that's just being lazy and pretentious.
Another reason for my DVR Spring Cleaning is to make way for the kick-ass shows about to debut. I know, for a fact, that I'll have to spend at least ten hours of my life on HBO's "The Pacific," and ditto for "Life" on the Discover Channel. Have you seen the trailers for these? Both render me in shivers and on the edge of tears for very different reasons - "The Pacific" due to patriotism, and "Life" because of its breathtaking capacity for rendering everyday natural occurrences awe-inspiring.
Methinks the two will "unleash hell" against other programs, though I hope they don't go so far as to cause an uprising and turn my DVR a Republic. I quite like being the emperor of something.
What about you? Who will survive the battles of your DVR?
Friday, March 12, 2010
Televisius Maximus
Monday, February 15, 2010
"Valentine's Day" - Show love, not VD
I'm strictly opposed to people calling Valentine's Day "V-Day," because that's simply too close to "VD" and yesterday someone's Facebook status said, "Enjoy your 'VD' and pass it on." Ergo, I'll now spell out this holiday until I can no longer spell.
In other news, despite the fact that it seemed most film critics would rather have actually contracted their own cases of VD than sit through the movie "Valentine's Day," I have to say that I really enjoyed it.
Sure, it's totally cheesy and definitely unrealistic, but who cares? It's exactly what I wanted it to be, and Jennifer Garner epitomizes the perfect woman (for me...I don't know about you...set your own standards), and sure we've all seen way too much of both Taylor's - Swift and Lautner - but honestly they do a great job of portraying what it's like to be teenagers in love for the first time. Granted the Jessica's in the movie - Alba and Biel - are both pretty bad, mostly because they're not that talented, but they're nice to look at. And Julia Roberts is endearing as herself. And Patrick Dempsey is loathsome as himself. Sorry to you folks who love you some Dr. McDreamy but, for reasons I can't totally explain, whenever I see Dempsey I want to Dr. McPunchhisface. Oddly enough, however, for the first time since "Dude, Where's My Car?" I actually didn't want to man-slap Ashton Kutcher. He's not bad in this.
Just like "Love Actually," this romantic comedy tries very hard to be as much as it can be, and it doesn't really succeed on any deep level, which is why if you don't expect too much from it you'll have a great time. And, honestly, that's sort of like the actually holiday of Valentine's Day. If you look at it as a litmus test for completeness you'll always be disappointed.
I refuse to be one of those people who's cynical about Valentine's Day because there's no reason to not take a day and celebrate love in some form. Sure Valentine's Day is better with a partner but so is every other day, right? Even if you're single, it can be an excuse to have fun in some form or fashion instead of sulking around and feeling sorry for yourself because that's just selfish, which love isn't.
So, to sum up this post, go see "Valentine's Day," don't be cynical, and don't get VD.
You're welcome.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
The R-Word?
When I was in the sixth grade there was a McDonald's commercial featuring Corky from "Life Goes On." He was the one in the show with Downs Syndrome - not to be confused with his sister who later starred in "ER" and got stabbed to death IN THE VALENTINE'S DAY EPISODE, which is still very traumatic for me to recall because, as she lay on the floor bleeding out, the rest of County General was in another room dancing and noshing on pink cupcakes. Nothing good EVER happened at that hospital.
Not as traumatic is said Mickey D's ad that highlighted the fast food chain's then-publicized commitment to giving opportunities to mentally disabled workers. "Hello, welcome to McDonald's, my I take your order please?" Burke said at the close of the spot and then smiled, showing that he too could serve fries like any "normal" person.
But Burke never pretended that he was "normal," nor did he shy away from attempting to do whatever he wanted. He was different, there was no denying that, but he could still super-size your value meal if that's what you asked of him, thank you very much.
Rahm Emanuel, President Obama's Chief of Staff, recently came under fire for describing a Democratic ad campaign as "retarded" in another indication that - because of the growing mountain of verbal faux pa's created by Obama's administration - the President's best communicators are, in fact, retarded.
Now, to be clear, negatively using what people are now referring to as "the R-word," isn't something I can get behind, though I do not deny having used it myself in the past. (Like in the previous sentence.) But I also can't hop on board Sarah Palin's overreaction that Emanuel should resign. Were he to quit for this reason - and not because he's a crappy Chief of Staff who's running Obama's presidency into the ground - half of New England and the entire staff of "Family Guy" should also resign their jobs.
I have a friend who's gay who hates it when people say "That's so gay!" when they talk about something that was unpleasant. He says it's reinforcing the notion that "Gay = Negative" in people's minds, and he has a point.
But people also have to stop being overly sensitive. A gentle tap on Rahm's shoulder and a reminder that decrying a bad idea as "retarded" is not cool will probably make the point as strongly as pitching a hissy fit while "going rogue" on FOX News.
And by the same token, maybe we should all reexamine our vocabulary and stop saying "retarded" - or "re-TAH-ded" for you New Englanders and "Family Guy" staffers - because, even though retarded people are in fact retarded, using it negatively just brings them down and makes you look like a jackass. Let them be who they are, but let us not be as ignorant as those "ER" staffers who stuffed their faces with cupcakes while Becca Thatcher got hacked to death by the weird kid from "Numbers."
Man...I really need to get past that.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Get LOST!
So, right...there's the thing about me not blogging in a while. You all have a point about that. However, I'm back now - maybe, better than ever...I don't know, you decide - and am ready to rejoin the ranks of the blogosphere.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
The 2009 Matty Awards!
Greetings blogosphere! Sorry about the extended hiatus. November (and half of December) just flew right by here at MEvBLOG Central, almost as fast as the golf club Tiger Woods’ wife swung at his head – HEY-OHHH!!!
I still got it.
Anyway…since the year’s end is nigh, my present to you is a list of what I liked most these past 12 months. Sure, it’s kind of a re-gift, but this time ‘round I’ve given a specific name to the fictitious awards being doled out. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the winners of the 2009 Matties!
Obviously it’s an honor just to be nominated for a Matty – let alone win one – and you know the red carpet, pre-ceremonial bash promises to be off the hook!
Admittedly, I’ve been neglectful to you, dear readers – especially those still hanging with me from The Mont and my international crew representing both Peru and Tajikistan – therefore each award will appear in its own post.
Got your own “Best of” for this year? Hit me with it in the Comments. It’s an all-inclusive free-for-all when it comes to year-end reflection here at MEvBLOG Central.
Happy Holidays and you’re welcome.
The 2009 Matties: Bullock in 2012
I’m gonna have to give the first Matty to Sandra Bullock for pulling off not one, but two great movies this year. Hold on, film snobs - those of you swearing that “Precious” and “A Single Man” are like cinematic manna sent to feed the starving masses - hear me out. Sandy gave us two very different characters in this year's “The Proposal” and “The Blind Side,” the latter of which is so good that I honestly forgot it was her halfway through the movie.
Sure, both are very formulaic, but so what? Not everything has to be independent and nouveau – I’m looking at you, Tarantino – and mainstream movies have the potential to be just as compelling as those made outside the studio system.
Yes, Bullock also starred in this-failure-that-shall-not-be-named, but she transcended it with aplomb so I bestow upon her this inaugural Matty for Best Movie Star of 2009.
Also, apropos of nothing, I loved everything about "(500) Days of Summer," and so will you if you aren’t made of stone, so go get it when it comes out on DVD. That is all.
The 2009 Matties: Humping the Appalachian Trail
It takes some kind of man to cheat on his wife, but it takes particular brand of asshole to cheat on his wife with a woman in a different hemisphere, while on paid leave from his tax-payer funded job as primary state executive, then not step down from said job.
That’s why the 2009 Matty for Best Extramarital Affair goes to the shameless, scumbag governor of South Carolina who carried on with a woman in Argentina while telling his family and staff he was taking some “alone time” to hike the Appalachian Trail.
Gov. Sanford, with this Matty, I award you no points and may God have mercy on your soul…because you wife should not.
Posts
