In case your ears were constantly ringing this weekend with what sounded like $70 million of squealing of teenage girls, allow me to explain why: Twilight opened. The film version of the vampire/teenage/romance novel killed at the box office, which doesn't surprise me.
In August, I covered the release of Breaking Dawn - at a crazy packed Barnes and Noble with teens and tweens from all over the Mont - and all the kids were, like, OMG! over the film version already.
I saw the film last night - theater was sold out - and I have to say that it wasn't that bad. It wasn't great, but didn't focus on what I thought were the book's weaknesses, namely the two main characters dissecting EVERY SINGLE ONE of their feelings for approximately 250 pages.
WARNING: Spoilers Below
For those of you who can't be bothered with undead teenage angst allow me to provide you a condensed version of Twilight.
Bella Swan: I'm going to live with my dad, Charlie, in Washington. He doesn't talk much.
Charlie: I don't talk much.
New High School Kids: We like you. Be our friend.
Bella: Who are those pretty white people who don't talk to anyone?
High School Kids: The Cullens. Their rich and pretty. We hate them. We want to be them. That one's Edward.
Bella: Why weren't you in Biology?
Edward: I wasn't in Biology.
Bella: Thanks for saving my life when that van almost killed me.
Edward: I didn't. I wasn't. I can't stay away from you.
Bella: You're a vampire. Let's stare at each other for a while.
Edward: You smell good. I want you. I can't have you. I'll kill you. I love you.
Bella: I'm not creeped out at all that you sneak in my room at night and watch me sleep - even though I should be because that's weird.
Edward: Come play baseball with my family.
Bella: Baseball is cool.
James: Is she a snack?
Edward: Don't touch her.
James: 'Cause I think she's a snack. I'm just saying. I could use a snack.
Edward: Run away Bella.
Bella: Don't hurt my mom!
James: I won't, but only if you let me have you as a snack. It's just that I haven't eaten much all day and am kinda hypoglycemic, so if I could drink your blood, that'd be swell.
Edward: I'll save you.
Bella: I love you.
Edward: Let's go to prom. My hair kicks ass.
THE END
Monday, November 24, 2008
'Twilight' - the condensed version
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7 comments:
That's what I thought.
The book went like this:
Something Happens
Bella and Edward are in LOOOOVE for 200 pages
Something Else Happens
Bella and Edward are in LOOOOVE for 200 pages
Something Really Bad Happens
Bella and Edward are in LOOOOOVE for a million more pages.
The movie did a good job of cutting out all of the freaking LOOOOOOOVE.
Come on now - I read all 4 books and it wasn't THAT bad. ;) Matt, did you read only Twilight or all the others as well? Tell the truth.
-Holly
I read all four of them and "Anonymous" is right. They really are in LOOOOOVE for about a million pages.
That pretty much sums it up. Really.
umm...you need to review more movies. seriously, that could be your schtick...it would be brilliant, something that big b severely needs, and is completely appealing to young professionals. and professionals. and the young. you reach everyone. well, everyone with a sense of humor.
(and for the record, i haven't read the books, won't and also won't see the movie. but the review almost tempts me. almost.)
I prefer your summary over the movie. Though the movie has the appeal of being so bad it is fun to laugh at. If they had made it about 30 minutes shorter, simply by cutting the long, angst-ridden, thoughtful, yearning looks, this movie would be much improved. And for the record I've read all the books. . .
PS I agree with CeeCee -- more movie reviews por favor!
This is perhaps the best movie synopsis I have ever read. Another gem on Me Versus the Blog. Keep it up Matty.
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