Nice Robot...

Like everyone in Southeast Texas, I'd like my own robot/personal assistant. You know, someone to do laundry, clean my apartment and play the "search-and-destroy" coupon-clipping game for me. But, alas, I am the only employee I can afford on my payroll and, while it makes my staff meetings fly by, it means more work for me.

But I never thought that longing for my own Rosie Jetson could be irresponsible. Thanks to Wendell Wallach and Colin Allen, coauthors of Moral Machines: Teaching Robots Right from Wrong, I now know differently.

They write that, "Humanity has started down the path of robots and computers making decisions without direct human oversight...The technological challenge of ensuring that these machines respect ethical principles is upon us."

Yes, "robot oversight" is key or else we could be looking at a "$700 billion robot bailout" somewhere down the road.

According to Wallach and Allen if we follow these six simple steps, we'll not have to worry about a scenario involving a robot uprising.

1. Keep them in stupid situations. The authors say that computers/robots can't discern the consequences of their actions in advance, so they'll all be reassigned to FEMA.

2. Do not place dangerous weapons in the hands of computers and robots. I think we all learned this lesson from The Terminator. Thanks Arnold!

3. Program them with rules such as the Ten Commandments or Asimov's Laws for Robots. But we should anticipate a Supreme Court battle when an Alabama judge is compelled to post them in his courtroom for all robots to see.

4. Program robots with a principle such as the "greatest good for the greatest number" or the Golden Rule. Once this is done, all robots should be kept away from the United States Congress so as not to revert to previous states.

5. Educate a robot in the same way as a child, so that the robot will learn and develop sensitivity to the actions that people consider to be right and wrong. Look for enaction of "No Robot Left Behind."

6. Build human-like faculties such as empathy, emotions, and the capacity to read non-verbal social cues into the robots. This is so people don't confuse the robots with either John Kerry or Dick Cheney.

Wallach and Allen say that, "It is just a matter of time until a computer or robot makes a decision that will cause a human disaster." So, while we all struggle to make ends meet in this current economic storm, let's be sure to contemplate a kinder, gentler future for robots. It's the only way to ward off a possible Robot Apocalypse.

Also, be wary of anybody asking if you've seen either John or Sarah Connor. I'm just saying...

Shout out to fellow reporter Blair Ortmann for alerting me to this book. She rules.