Ryan Seacrest will slide tackle Brangleina...and other Oscar predictions

The Academy Awards aren't for everyone, and that's fine, because it's not like they're essential to surviving a recession, or continuing to clean up after a hurricane, or any other sort of reality biting at the heels of Southeast Texans.

Still, it's a little bit of fun - fun which can be healthy in times like these - and as we've asked before, if a bunch of crazy, famous people want to put themselves on display for all of us to watch/judge/be entertained by, who are we to stand in their way?

Plus it gives us an opportunity to predict the future - one of everyone's favorite past times. Whether it's an election, sporting event, or awards show, guessing an outcome is like gambling - only without losing large expanses of time and memory in a smoke-filled casino, and the need to explain where you've been the whole weekend.

But we digress.

That being said, we have a few thoughts on what's going to happen at this year's parade of Hollywood crazies:

1. Ryan Seacrest will slide tackle Brangelina. At the Golden Globes, Seacrest was doing his best to be irritating on the red carpet - instead of just being irritating on both American Idol and his nonsensical radio show - and he CHASED Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie to get an interview. The two turned their backs on him in a move that some called elitest. (Others called it awesome...you decide.)

Since then, Seacrest has been seen boxing sides of beef and running with wheelbarrows through the Siberian tundra for his rematch with the famous couple.

We predict he'll make it past pretty boy Pitt, but Jolie will grab him by the throat and perform a martial arts move not seen since days of "Mortal Kombat."

2. Hugh Jackman will sing and dance. But what would really be awesome is if the "X-Men" star hosted the show as "Wolverine." That way, any time things got boring, he could light up a cigar, fling out his adamantium claws, and fight Ryan Seacrest.

We predict the Aussie star will instead belt out a song and hoof it to show off his theatrical skills.

3. More than one acceptance speech will gush over Obama. This is Hollywood, after all.

We predict that Michael Moore will rush the stage with his previous Oscar in one hand, and a corn dog in the other, singing the new President's praises. Maybe then Jackman will turn into Wolverine and take care of business.

4. Kate Winslet will win something and cry. We've been a fan of hers for a while and, even though she's married to a man who once screamed at us in a packed movie theater for no reason, she deserves some praise.

We predict she'll win for The Reader.

5. Indian people will sing and dance. Two songs from Slumdog Millionaire are nominated for "Best Original Song" which means two opportunities for its cast to bust out in a Bollywood-esque, musical extravaganza.

We predict white people will be confused.

Have some predictions to add? Let us know in the Comments.