MEvBLOG's Live Oscar Commentary!

Greetings Southeast Texas!

We're here at MEvBLOG Central during the 81st Annual Academy Awards, live blogging our hearts out as Hollywood puts on a huge show.

Refresh this page throughout the night to read our take on all the Oscar festivitie - who won, who should have won, and who get's this year's Crazy Bjork Swan Dress Award.

And now... LET THE SHOW BEGIN!

6:55 - We flipped on ABC just in time to see Hugh Jackman give Barbara Walters a lap dance, proving that there ARE cameras in the champagne room after all.

7:09 - Danny Boyle and the ENTIRE Slumdog Millionaire family is working the red carpet. They're talking about Miley Cyrus which we'll pretend we didn't hear because they're all so happy and adorable.

7:15 - Miley Cyrus just said Angelina is her favorite person in "all of history." Sorry Abe Lincoln. We know you had you're fingers crossed.

7:20 - The Pricewaterhouse Coopers accountants with "The Briefcases" arrive on the red carpet and are introduced by an odd montage of scenes in movies where people say the word "accountant." Moments like this are why TiVo was invented.

7:26 - OK...the show's producer just said there's a curtain for one set design that uses over 100,000 Swarovski crystals. Really? In this economy? If they'd just used broken glass, would all of us at home really notice the difference?

7:31 - Hugh Jackman, looking quite dapper, strolls on to the set that resembles something from Liberace's vault. No Wolverine claws...yet.

7:39 - Great opening number...though Anne Hathaway never plays along that willingly when we try to pick her up. Wolverine reference #1!

7:47 - After a minor curtain malfunction - and a long but interesting way to introduce nominees via five previous winners - the first Oscar of the night goes to...Penelope Cruz for Best Supporting Actress in Vicky, Cristina, Barcelona. The subtitle writer at Univision is pleased to have a few moments off.

7:54 - We'll watch a five hour telecast if there's more Steven Martin and Tina Fey.

7:58 - Dustin Lance Black wins Best Original Screenplay for Milk. Almost 30 minutes in and only two awards down. It's possible the show might be over just about when the stimulus package kicks in.

8:02 - Simon Beaufoy wins Best Adapted Screenplay for Slumdg Millionaire. (We repeat, more Steven Martin and Tina Fey. Just in general.)

8:05 - YAY! Wall-E wins Best Animated Film! (By the way, who's idea was the "2008 Movie Yearbook?" Can that person's Oscar idea-making privileges please be revoked?)

8:10 - La Maison En Petits Cubes wins for Best Animated Short Film. We know. We totally wanted Oktapodi to win too.

8:22 - The award for Best Art Direction & Best Makeup go to The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and Best Costume Design to The Duchess in front of a set that looks like Buffalo Bill's storage facility from The Silence of the Lambs.

8:26 - Seriously...why do the Oscar producers think we can't remember the movies of last year? What's with this video yearbook thing? Oh wait! Is there a party after where we all get together and sign them? If so, we're on board.

8:33 - The Oscar for Cinematography goes to Slumdog Millionaire. Plus, Ben Stiller is awesome in his send up of Joaquin Phoenix. Meanwhile...Natalie Portman, how YOU doin'?

8:38 - RECAP - While the give out the Nerd Awards Scientific and Technical Awards are announced, let's recap - Slumdog Millionaire and Benjamin Button are tied woth two Oscars each. And NO WOLVERINE CLAWS!

8:45 - OK...maybe the ONE Oscar Yearbook with James Franco and Seth Rogan from Pineapple Express would've been fine.

8:49 - Best Live Action Short is Spielzuegland, also known as A German Name No One Bothered to Learn to Pronounce Because Foreign Names are Funny.

8:53 - Time for the Big Musical Number Saluting Musical Numbers...or as we call it, When Our Dad Changes the Channel.

If you need a break, check out an interactive look at this year's Oscar nominees or play the Oscar Matching Game. Or head to the bar and make a cocktail. We're saying you've got options.

9:08 - Back from our cocktail musical break and ready for Best Supporting Actor. Not surprising, it posthumously goes to Heath Ledger.

9:16 - The award for Best Documentary goes to Man on Wire. We loved both Goldie Hawn and Mel Gibson in that one. Best Documentary Short Subject goes to Smile Pinki. We assume it's about someone who longs only for the happiness and joy of his/her smallest digit.

9:24 - OH MY HOLY FOR THE LOVE OF HAIL MARY, WOULD YOU STOP WITH THE 2008 MOVIE MONTAGES, ALREADY!!! See, Oscars...you went and made us use Caps Lock. Why would you upset us like that? WHY???

9:30 - The award for Always Awesome goes to Will Smith. Meanwhile, the Oscar for Visual Effects goes to The Curious Case of Benjamin Button; Sound Design to The Dark Knight and Sound to Slumdog Millionaire.

9:35 - Did they get some kind of discount on Will Smith? Doesn't matter. He's awesome and we wish he were our drinking buddy. You know you're all with us on this and wouldn't mind having a cold one with the Fresh Prince. Oh, and Best Film Editing went to Slumdog Millionaire, BTW.

9:40 - RECAP - Slumdog Millionaire - 4...Benjy Button - 3...and The Dark Knight - 2. And...Sigh...STILL no Wolverine claws. Come ON, Jackman!

9:43 - Time to present the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award to Jerry Lewis. Totally deserving since he's probably spent more hours in all his telethons raising money for muscular dystrophy, than we've spent watching movies in the last ten years.

9:51 - Back on track with the nominees for Best Original Score. It goes to Slumdog Millionaire. (Sidenote to Zac Efron - LOOK ALIVE MAN! You're with grown ups tonight.)

10:01 - CHOREOGRAPHED BOLLYWOOD DANCE SEQUENCE!!! And...John Legend? Best Original Song is "Jai Ho" from Slumdog Millionaire. By the way, we predicted the Mass Caucasian Discomfort in the audience in case you were wondering.

10:07 - The Voice of Aslan and The Girl From Slumdog present the Best Foreign Language Film award to Departures (Japan). We love the Japanese gentleman who accepted and said he was, "Berry, berry happy!" But now we also crave a smoothie.

10:10 - Please put Queen Latifah in the above category with Will Smith. We'd like to form a pub trivia team with both of them.

10:17 (Yes...that's the actual time.) - Four more to go. Stay with us people. Go make another cocktail.

10:20 - Danny Boyle wins Best Director for Slumdog Millionaire. And it was nice of him to not ask Reese Witherspoon if she was pregnant in front of anyone. (Because you know we were all asking that in our heads at home.)

10:32 - Best Actress goes to Kate Winslet for The Reader. She's so loverly. That's British for "lovely."

10:43 - Sean Penn is named Best Actor for Milk. But we all wish it was Mickey Rourke. He deserved it more and even wore his Secret Decoder Pinky Ring and Lucky Platinum Tooth in case anyone needed a can of tuna opened at the Kodak Theater.

10:46 - GO AWAY SEAN PENN! Please. You're turning into Micheal Moore.

10:53 - Steven Speilberg - who is welcome to join our pub trivia team with Will Smith and Queen Latifah - gives the award for Best Picture to Slumdog Millionaire.

That's all folks! Thanks for joining us tonight. Feel free to pass us on to your friends if you liked. If not, e-mail your complaints to Sean.Penn@Ishouldn'thavewon.com.