Tuesday Headlines - Britain, Germany, and Jessica Simpson

According to Yahoo!, the following are the MOST IMPORTANT top stories happening in the world today.

1) Britain Bans 16 People - The British government published a list yesterday of 16 people it's banishing from their lands. The group included suspected Hamas terrorists, a Jewish extremist, anti-gay protesters and a conservative talk show host from California. Meanwhile, heroin/meth/crack user Amy Winehouse still happily lives in London.

2) Germany says 'NINE!' to triple names - A German court ruled that Ms. Thalheim and Mr. Kunz-Hallstein cannot become Mr. & Mrs. Thalheim-Kunz-Hallstein. Apparently, the famously efficient Germans have very strict laws concerning both first and last names. Much looser, however, are the laws concerning when is the time on Sprockets un which we dance.

3) Jessica Simpson still exists - Jessica Simpson is a lovely girl who deserves happiness like everyone else, even though she hasn't had a hit in years (because she isn't a very good singer) and (some might say) is sucking the life out of Tony Romo, thus keeping the Dallas Cowboys from advancing in the playoffs. Even so, Vanity Fair put her on the cover. It was between her and Bernie Madoff. The final decision came down to cleavage...they wanted less and went with J-Simp.

Thanks Yahoo! It's plain to see why these are the MOST IMPORTANT top stories of the day. Readers, you're welcome for bringing you these breaking news updates.