Open Letter to Continental Airlines

Dear Continental Airlines,

Greetings to you, oh carrier of air travelers both near and far! We're writing because you've recently been in the news - and not in a good way.

(Though, to be honest, it hurts our brains to think of a time when you, or any other airline, were in the news in a good way...maybe back when flying was considered swinging and cool, like cigarettes and three-martini lunches. This scene in Catch Me if You Can when Leonardo DiCaprio struts into the airport with SIX hottie flight attendants on his arms illustrates our point.)

But we digress...this letter isn't about under appreciated Steven Spielberg movies, it's about you being...shall we say, "geographically challenged." In one week you managed to send two unaccompanied minors - a 10-year-old and an 8-year-old - to the wrong cities. The 10-year-old was trying to get to Cleveland, but sent to Newark; and the 8-year-old to Charlotte, but was sent to Fayetteville, Ark.

How is this possible? These cities aren't even similarly spelled? Granted both Cleveland and Newark share some unfortunate industrial aesthetics (READ: they're kinda dirty), while Fayetteville and Charlotte both...have a lot of NASCAR fans, maybe?

But we're not here to judge, only to help. So here are a few tips on how to make sure you've got the right person headed to the right city from now on.

1. Look at their tickets. On them, there's this super-cool "code" that says "destination," which means "where the person is supposed to end up when the flight has landed." Often times, the city on the ticket matches the one on the large sign by the gate where you like to gather and chat with co-workers while ignoring customers. That's a lot to keep in mind so, if it gets confusing...

2. Ask them where they're going. This is also a tough one to remember. But we figure since you're no longer busy with other duties - like being friendly or feeding passengers - you can handle it. And if that doesn't work...

3. Just put them on a plane to Orlando. They'll find their way to Disney World and, let's be honest, they'd rather be there anyway.

So there you go, Continental. Hope this checklist comes in hand as you're zipping around the globe with all those pesky "people" you're forced to take with you. Feel free to let us know if we can help with anything else!

Sincerely,
MEvBLOG

P.S. Also, we heard you're trying to phase out "complementary peanuts." We suggest you replace them with "complementary margaritas." Just a thought.