Holy Mother of Air Conditioning, it's hot outside, folks. We've spent about 20 summers in Texas and can never remember it reaching 100 degrees this soon.
Walking outside and being hit by the wave of oppressive heat is like walking outside and...being struck by...well...a wave of oppressive heat.
Look at that. IT'S SO HOT OUTSIDE WE'VE LOST OUR POWERS OF METAPHORICAL WRITING!
Is it hopeless, readers? Is the Apocalypse next? Are we facing the End Times you read about in those color-coded best-sellers where Orange = rapture; Blue = the Anti-Christ; and Yellow = the Mark of the Beast? (Because the End of Days will be as easy to comprehend as Pre-school.)
Some Canadians think so.
Now before you say the stereotypical things about our Northern neighbors like calling their accent "funny," or pointing out their beer tastes "like water," or saying they're "weirdly-obsessed hockey nuts with cheap health care," you should listen to what they have to say.
For them, it's not about fending off the end of the world - or even making a decent go of it at the Summer Olympics - it's about keeping illegal immigrants out of their fur-trading spaces.
Because, for Canadians, apocalyptic trumpets will sound when Americans run en masse for their border to escape the own too-hot weather they created for themselves via global warming. And you know what, they should be afraid.
Because what will happen when the NHL season is shortened from 15 months to 4 1/2 weeks in order to make room for American football?
What will happen when the Queen of England visits and nobody cares?
What if Canada Day comes and goes because everyone is too busy getting ready for the Fourth of July? Sorry...what's that now? This just in folks...TODAY is Canada Day!
See, it's happening already. Brace yourself Canada, for the end is nigh. And tell Quebec not to get all "Frenchy" when we ask for "freedom fries."
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
To hot for Canada
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3 comments:
Try a bit of the dog that bitcha.
RE: PJ
I'm not sure what the means, but if it's a reference to happy hour, I'm in!
Never gonna happen, Dude! No US citizen is gonna bother to learn French and certainly not in the Non-France version of Francais. So, we better learn to suck it up, heat wise or opt out for Iceland ...or Greenland...or Sweden. All of the last three have correctly and politely learned English as children in the far superior schools they attend as well as the native languages of their own countries and most likely several other languages also. No US kids' ever gonna do that kind of studying! Stay warm on the auld sod.
Duh.
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