An open letter to Martha Stewart

Dear Martha Stewart,

This is wrong. Very, very, very wrong.

Granted, I am biased as I have very strong feelings against personifying something which I'm about to chew. (Remember when Domino's ran that commercial with those weird-ass brownies that show up at your door inviting you to eat a pan of weird-ass brownies? Gross.)

However, this is way worse than that because it's not "personifying" food as much as it's "foodifying" a person. A very little, confused, and scared looking person, who looks like it's about to be consumed with a side of Nana's candied yams and a slice of bourbon pecan pie for dessert.

Therefore, I revoke your privileges of advice-giving on Halloween costumes. Yes, I have that power. No you can't appeal this or throw money at me...unless it's a lot of money. I might bend for a certain number. Or for your house in the Hamptons.

Anyway, let's never ever think of this again - and lock it away with those other creepy babies-in-food-and-flowers-pictures-from-the-nineties-that-were-popular-for-reasons-no-one-can-explain.

Now, If you would kindly agree to make me my very own bourbon pecan pie, and get me on the list for a party on P. Diddy's yacht, all will be forgiven.

Sincerely,

MEvBLOG