It would actually be an overstatement to say we were shocked by Michael Jackson's death. This isn't to say that, like many, we aren't sad about it but to be perfectly honest we weren't shocked.
Yes, Jackson was amping up for his run of 50 shows in London. Yes, there was talk of a new album with Quincy Jones. And, yes, there was the so-persistent-it-must-have-been-true rumor that the Flamingo Hilton in Las Vegas was renovating its auditorium to accommodate him.
By many accounts it seemed that Michael Jackson was ready to make a comeback - that the third act of his life wasn't actually the messy child molestation accusations, but rather a captivating series of never-before-seen concert performances that would remind people why he was the King of Pop.
Still, the fact remains that Michael Jackson was a shell of a man. He looked it - physically, little remained of the man adorning the "Thriller" album cover. He acted it - whisking his children away to Bahrain after his trial concluded which, itself, was probably an exhausting nightmare.
SIDENOTE - No obituary or tribute should be written without including Jackson's trial and the accusations of child molestation. You take the good with the bad, folks.
Jackson was raised by crazy parents in a crazy family in the crazy world of show business. He never seemed able to fully grasp what everyone else saw, seeming exactly like the "most talented boy-man" who Paul McCartney - his former friend and collaborator - described upon hearing of his death.
Without a doubt, both Pop and Hip-Hop music - as well as most modern dance choreography - wouldn't be the same without Jackson's influence. There is simply nobody who could perform and move like him.
But off stage he always seemed lost in a world of grown ups. He appeared constantly frustrated because others tried to make decisions for him and never showed he was mature enough to act on his own other than when he was Moonwalking.
So that's why shock was never a large part of our reaction to his death. Micheal Jackson defined such a specific part of the world in which he lived, yet he never seemed to understand how it all worked - sort of like he never really belonged here in the first place.
What do you think?
Monday, June 29, 2009
Michael Jackson - Gone but not shocking
Thursday, June 25, 2009
A governor went to Argentina and all we got was hypocrisy
Riddle us this, fair readers...what's the DEAL with the cheating and the politicians? We're not the only ones scratching our heads and asking this question, by the way.
Many in the media are curious about the recent onslaught of men who have taken to dancing the horizontal tango with folks - both Argentinian and not - to whom they're not married.
Governor Mark Sanford from South Carolina (pictured at right, possibly crying because he had to cut his South American getaway short) is the most recent in a long list of men on both the Left and Right - but mostly on the Right - who have decided that it's OK to preach family values but not necessarily practice them. Here's a brief list of the happily humping leaders of late:
Sen. John Ensign, R-NV
Sen. David Vitter, R-LA
Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, R-GA
Former Senator John Edwards, D-NC
Former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer (D)
Current New York Gov. David Paterson (D)
This doesn't even include former Sen. Larry Craig (R-ID) who was arrested for soliciting sex from another dude in a Minnesota airport bathroom, and former Rep. Mark Foley (R-FL) who resigned after sending sexually explicit instant messages to a 16-year-old page. (They are soooo two years ago.)
Don't you think it t says something when the political coverage in The New York Times starts to mirror that of the National Enquirer (the paper that actually broke the John Edwards love child story)?
However, it's easy for us to sit back on our non-elected haunches and speculate that calling for the Ten Commandments to be posted publicly yet not attempting to actually adhere to them is, in fact, hypocritical. So we will put it to a vote. What do you think?
Monday, June 22, 2009
Name that airport!
Here in the Mont many locals embark on air travel via the Southeast Texas Regional Airport - a quaint little transportation center that makes up for what it lacks in nominal quality with free parking, breeze-through security, and well-stocked vending machines.
However not all have as easy go at their local airports - especially if you're an unaccompanied minor on Continental these days.
The fact is that we kid our local airport for having a boring name, but it could be worse. According to this article - sent to us by MEvBLOG loyalist "NoGermsHere" - there are many foreign and domestic airports that are gravely titled. Some are only odd because of simple cultural differences but seeing as this is America, we'll make fun of them anyway.
Here's a list of some of our favs:
Batman Airport - Batman, Turkey - Instead of carts that transport the elderly (and sometimes those who are just plain lazy, let's be honest...) they have Bat-carts! Also, planes land in a cave and the air traffic control tower is a large mansion on the surface where lavish parties are held.
Mafia Airport - Mafia, Tanzania - Bada bing, you're in and out! No complaints and no questions asked.
Moron Airport - Argentina, Mongolia, & Spain - There's only three of them but, really, it seems like there's so many more.
Brest Airport - Brest, France - Shocking that it's French.
Dang Airport - Tribhuvannagar, Nepal - Named when someone tried to pronounce the arrival city.
Fort Dix Airport - South New Jersey - An homage to a large number of the men in its host state.
Slave Lake Airport - Alberta, Canada - Airport with the lowest number of Black travelers.
Deception Airport - North Quebec, Canada - An important stop for traveling politicians.
Colon Airport, Panama - Before you land flight attendants announce that, "This might be uncomfortable at first..."
Friday, June 19, 2009
Well played, Father. Well played.
None of us here at MEvBLOG Central are fathers...that we know of. (Kidding!) However, that doesn't preclude us from appreciating the member of the family often unappreciated and overlooked in today's culture.
When we were young bloggers, and asked our Italian father why we had to do something (mow the lawn, go fetch the newspaper, make him a sandwich, etc.), he would answer us by striking a super-hero-fists-on-hips-with-chest-out pose and do his best Topol impersonation, while repeatedly belting out the lyric "I'm the Pa-PA!" from Fiddler on the Roof.
(Nothing pleased him more than kindly reminding us of our place on the family food chain via 1960's-era musicals. He also did a mean "Officer Krupke" from West Side Story.)
As we grew older, wiser, and taller than him, we learned to appreciate that he was often put in tough positions - many times by us. Walking the line between wanting our happiness, and telling us "No" - or forcing us to do things we didn't want for our own good - can't have been easy.
Yet our dad did it well and never, not once, did we ever question his love for us...even that one time he grounded us for no reason and justified it by saying, "Even if I'm wrong, this is for all the times you got away with something I don't know about."
We imagine this is tough for all dads to pull off, so we send the following out to Pops everywhere. It's translated from an Italian plaque that hangs on the wall at our own Pop's home and is remarkable in how accurately it resonates.
"At 3 years old, Papa knows everything.
At 8 years old, Papa knows almost everything.
At 12 years old, there are some things Papa doesn't know.
At 15 years old, Papa knows nothing.
At 20 years old, I will ask advice from Papa.
At 40 years old, I wish Papa was here."
Happy Father's Day, to ours and yours!
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Open Letter to Continental Airlines
Dear Continental Airlines,
Greetings to you, oh carrier of air travelers both near and far! We're writing because you've recently been in the news - and not in a good way.
(Though, to be honest, it hurts our brains to think of a time when you, or any other airline, were in the news in a good way...maybe back when flying was considered swinging and cool, like cigarettes and three-martini lunches. This scene in Catch Me if You Can when Leonardo DiCaprio struts into the airport with SIX hottie flight attendants on his arms illustrates our point.)
But we digress...this letter isn't about under appreciated Steven Spielberg movies, it's about you being...shall we say, "geographically challenged." In one week you managed to send two unaccompanied minors - a 10-year-old and an 8-year-old - to the wrong cities. The 10-year-old was trying to get to Cleveland, but sent to Newark; and the 8-year-old to Charlotte, but was sent to Fayetteville, Ark.
How is this possible? These cities aren't even similarly spelled? Granted both Cleveland and Newark share some unfortunate industrial aesthetics (READ: they're kinda dirty), while Fayetteville and Charlotte both...have a lot of NASCAR fans, maybe?
But we're not here to judge, only to help. So here are a few tips on how to make sure you've got the right person headed to the right city from now on.
1. Look at their tickets. On them, there's this super-cool "code" that says "destination," which means "where the person is supposed to end up when the flight has landed." Often times, the city on the ticket matches the one on the large sign by the gate where you like to gather and chat with co-workers while ignoring customers. That's a lot to keep in mind so, if it gets confusing...
2. Ask them where they're going. This is also a tough one to remember. But we figure since you're no longer busy with other duties - like being friendly or feeding passengers - you can handle it. And if that doesn't work...
3. Just put them on a plane to Orlando. They'll find their way to Disney World and, let's be honest, they'd rather be there anyway.
So there you go, Continental. Hope this checklist comes in hand as you're zipping around the globe with all those pesky "people" you're forced to take with you. Feel free to let us know if we can help with anything else!
Sincerely,
MEvBLOG
P.S. Also, we heard you're trying to phase out "complementary peanuts." We suggest you replace them with "complementary margaritas." Just a thought.
Friday, June 12, 2009
The golden parking spot
What would you do with $300,000? We took a quick poll here at MEvBLOG Central and the general consensus is to spend it on the following: trips, houses, debt, and miscellaneous fun-ness.
(Also, our Irish co-worker suggested creating a debaucherous night-time tryst we can't repeat on a family blog such as this.)
What did NOT make the list? Using the total sum to buy a parking space.
Recently, in the apparently recession-proof Back Bay neighborhood of Boston, a high-stakes bidding war over a parking spot resulted in the winner purchasing the space for $300,000...or as the Obama Administration might call it the average amount of back taxes owed by its cabinet.
Now, we've spent some time in Beantown - four undergraduate years to be exact - and know that trying to find available parking there is - as the kids say today - a bee-yotch. Here in Southeast Texas, we're lucky there's wide open spaces so big they reach to the horizon, and parking is free pretty much everywhere.
Still, sometimes you've got to pay to stay, so our philosophy is that a parking spot should never cost more than the vehicle placed in it. We have other such fiscal policies like never paying cover charges at restaurants (why pay to enter to pay to eat?), or not paying more than $1 per song on any CD ($14.99 is an unacceptable price when there's only 10 songs, John Mayer).
Though, if we had enough dough to throw down $300,000 on a mere parking space maybe we'd reconsider said policies. But enough about us...what would you do?
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Rush to Newt
We just want to get this out there...Rush Limbaugh is a tool. And so is Newt Gingrich. Some of our die-hard conservative readers - who are always welcome at MEvBLOG parties no matter what (they bring the best booze, of course) - will probably want to tear our heads off for this.
However...let's examine the cases against them collectively, shall we?
EXHIBIT A - Gingrich recently spent the whole of a Republican fundraiser calling President Obama and his administration a failure because he currently holds the Office of Nothing, which represents Political Has-Beens in every corner of the Nation of Irrelevance and/or His Imagination. Meanwhile, in the United States, many economists say Obama's policies have helped the current recession level off.
EXHIBIT B - Rush recently ridiculed Supreme court nominee Sonia Sotomayor after she broke her ankle trying to catch a plane. He said, "I hope she can find a wise Latina doctor to set that ankle as opposed to an average white doctor..." And then he went to his own average white doctor to beg for another fake prescription to pain killers.
SIDEBAR - Actually the white doctor wouldn't write him a script, so he went to his Indian doctor. His Indian doctor told him to lose some weight and lay off the drugs, which he didn't care for. Then he went to his black doctor who he asked him to leave when Rush greeted him with "What's happening, Dr. Affirmative Action?!" Finally, he visited the multi-racial "Dr. Feelgood" who promptly supplied him with his "meds."
VERDICT - In the case of MEvBLOG v. Rush/Newt, we the court here at MEvBLOG Central find both Newt Gingrich and Rush Limbaugh to be Tools of the Highest Order.
SENTENCE - The two must live under Democratic rule for seven and a half more years.
Court is now adjourned.
Friday, June 5, 2009
The one-armed man couldn't wear pants
Good day to you all. Here's a special Friday edition of MEvBLOG Headlines with a couple of stories The Internet told us about. We've learned that when The Internet speaks, it's wise to listen. (Otherwise we'd never know about the Numa Numa guy.)
Anyway, we felt they're both good reminders that no matter how crazy people are in our neck of the woods, there's always someone else who's nuttier. Enjoy!
(Don't) Have it your way - Last week in Cape Coral, FL a Mr. John Mack went into a Burger King and ordered a Whopper, fries and a drink. When he asked the dude behind the counter to cut his sandwich in half, the Counter Dude looked at the Manager Lady, then looked back at Mack and said they didn't do that there.
Mack then pointed out what most would think is obvious - that he only has one arm. Still, Counter Dude and Manager Lady refused to oblige. We can only assume it's because they thought he'd killed the wife of Dr. Richard Kimble and didn't want to present him with a knife while Tommy Lee Jones was out searching every warehouse, farmhouse, hen house, outhouse and doghouse in the area.
Ladies, leave your pants at home - Chapin High School in Chapin, South Carolina threatened to keep one of it's top students from graduating if she wore pants to her commencement ceremony. Senior Chelsea Sarvis said she doesn't feel comfortable in dresses and if men can wear dress slacks and be comfortable, why can't she?
The school's principal, Mike Satterfield, said the dress code has been in place for 25 years and it's a tradition and there's never been a complaint like this before, so she should just wear a dress and shut up. Then he grumbled under his breath, "It's not like she'll need pants when she's wearing an apron in the kitchen after graduation."
Because of all the negative publicity it's received, the school changed it's mind and said Sarvis could wear pants. Then they proudly raised the Confederate flag and called it quits on another progressive day.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Total Eclipse of the Awesome
To the right is an Internet-pulled photo of a very serious Bonnie Tyler circa 198-something (you know, whenever her hit "Total Eclipse of the Heart" came out).
Doesn't it remind you how far we've come, specifically insofar as the mullet is no longer considered to be fashionable - though I think we can admit there are times when you're out and about and you see someone sporting a little "business-in-the-front-party-in-the-back" action that's so awesome it makes you take a secret picture of them with your cell phone and send it to all your friends...right?
Anyway, on similar note, a loyal MEvBLOG reader sent us the following video from YouTube. It's the original music video of "Total Eclipse" with the lyrics changed to reflect what's literally happening.
Like so many other clips on YouTube, this one will also have you asking for the umpteenth time, "Seriously...WHO HAS THE SPARE TIME TO MAKE THIS CRAP?" Then you will laugh your arses off and be thankful that somewhere, in a lonely cubicle, there's a bored Assistant Project Program Manager who set aside their unfinished TPS reports to dub over Bonnie Tyler so you can take five minutes and 33 seconds away from your own job.
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